Love and Regret

"I am in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you." - The Fault in our Stars

Love, like pain, is a feeling which demands to be felt. It is never a mistake to fall in love. The person you fall for, the place you fall in, the time when it happens, how things occurred, for what reason love developed, and to what goal your love aims to reach... Love is love and that is love.

Nothing in love is a mistake. Though frustrations are inevitable. Right person at the wrong time. Right time but in the wrong place. Right reasons but with the wrong person. etc. etc. We shall never deny the truth that we have felt love and were not afraid to recognize this despite the contradicting forces at work. Love does not have to last forever just to be labeled  love. Because when we love for a moment in time, we are changed and that change lives on withing us for a lifetime. 

Regret is a symptom of a love loss bitterly. The inability to say how you felt, the cowardliness to a acknowledge such a profound and beautiful feeling. Regret lives in us, swallows us whole and eats our soul from the inside. Regret is for the weak. Love is for the strong. A love loss is never a love loss, but a love loss  is a lesson well learned.

Paper is the best therapist ever. Paper will not judge you.. it won't even complain about a thing. Your handwriting sucks, no insult. Your grammar ends up wrong, no correction. You absolutely make no sense, its normal. You crumple it up and toss it in the bin, no hard feelings.

I write because it makes me happy. I write because it is the one thing that I know I do flawlessly. I write because I am weak, but on its canvas I have strength. Every composition I have ever written is a reflection of who I am... The best part of me is still quite hidden.

The Second Blow

"We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before." - the Notebook

Is it possibly true that love can strike for the second time and even stronger?

The feeling of a found love is so remarkable and its impact on someone can change a person for the rest of their lives. we are the sum of every heartbeat we have ever had in our lives.

However the feeling of a love lost is so confusing that it can make the wisest person in the world fall down and ball up like a new born baby. We never know what we lose until it is actually gone. We never know what was actually there until it is compared.

When you have love, nurture it. let it take you away. let your heart beat at its own rate. and if it is lost, know it was for a reason...

but if it comes back, if it accepts you for the second time despite all of your weaknesses..take it into your hands and mind that you shall never close this. Do not capture a love like this and make sure it stays in your grasp forever. Realize that this kind of love found its way back home by itself. It will not go away any longer if it feels at home.

So make your heart home, a home with open doors and no locks. A home so secure that it does not know the meaning of temptation. Make your heart worth everything made now, before, and forever.

on changes

there are times in our lives when we are forced to change.

people may say it is for the better, you may think it is not. in some situations you try to convince yourself that it is the best.

love can make you change. sometimes that change is not all the best. yes, you have become less stupid, you make less mistakes, you are what society says "good". you are his/her ideal partner.

but for instance, within that transformation, you forget how to do the things you love... write, play, crafts, live... the things that had defined you, you are forced to forget. and when these things are gone, you do not know who you are anymore.

what if this change into a "better person" , makes you give up everything you have ever known? what if this "better person" that you have become is not YOU?..

you must take some time. reminisce what is important in life, who you are.

think of the changes. think why these changes.

above all, start again, and this time, do it right. change for the better but for the right reasons.

do not forget how you got to where you are. do not forget the heartbreaks, the stupid things that you have done... because these perfect mistakes are the exact things that made you the "beautiful person" who you are now. change in remembrance of these things, only then can you say that you have changed into the "best person"...

REGRESSION

life and its complexities..
a time in your life will come when you feel like the world is out to get you. you will not know where to turn to. you will wake up in the morning and miss that 1/4 part of your life when times were simple...

when m&ms melted in your hand. when you would eat skittles and taste the rainbow. when you would run up and down the jungle gym and feel like the world was at your feet, swinging across the monkey bars like there was no tomorrow.

the time before your first kiss. your first hug. your first pimple. your first everything. the time when life was simple.

that is the way life works. we regress to a time in our life when problems were only equivalent to mathematics. take a deep breath... look at the positive side. you have gone so far, too far to give up. take a deep breath... life has a plan for you, figure it out. take a deep breath... cry for an hour or so, wipe your tears and make a plan. take a deep breath... everything will be better in time.

Capital L O V E

Valentine's Day is fast approaching

February is known as the month of love. It makes me think: what is it about love that makes us feel so alive, so inspired, so complete.

Abigail and Love <3

a little belief:

Soul mates. when a person dies, the soul is divided into two: the anima and animus (male and female counterpart). these counterparts travel into the body of two different individuals. and when that individual dies it divides and travels once again. our ultimate goal is to find our soul mate - our direct counterpart. when we are down, feel incomplete, and feel lost it means that a vital part of us is missing - our soul mate... we try to get intact with ourselves once again, hence the term soul searching. since there are so many divisions of our soul around us, there is a big chance that we may encounter more than one soul mate, this is where we begin to hurt because we must decide who is our direct soul mate... who is our other half.

when in love:

“It seems to me, dear, you have met your soul mate. You will rarely come across someone that actually sees you for what and who you are; someone who will give you the feeling that you have known each other for a lifetime during your first meeting. Leilani,” she bent in a little closer, “When you find someone like that, hold on to him. You will find yourself in that person, parts of you that were forgotten or never even let out. Do not think about how long you have known him or where in life he will bring you, just accept him and that is all there is to it.” - this is an exert from my very own novel Endless Horizons. this is how i perceive love... cherish the person while you still have him because you will never know where destiny will bring you. when you find your soul mate you will find meaning; even if for the shortest amount of time.

love helps us find meaning in our existence because it transforms us into different people. when one is in love he tends to do things he never thought he can do, he sees things differently, acts and feels different as well... and when one does this all the more he/she realizes his potential. Being in love is a way of getting to know ourselves better.

you can never find meaning or essence in anything without truly understanding it first. same goes with the self... we must get to know ourselves better, understand deeper, in order to give meaning to our existence. <3

an experience:

about ten months ago i was engaged. when i met him, i thought i was the luckiest girl in the world. i was in love, and i was contented. we were planning everything when it suddenly struck me that i do not want to marry him... it broke his heart, and it hurt me as well because i could not give him a valid reason why i did not want to continue... i just felt deep inside that it was not right. during the time i was with him, i learned a lot about myself. through him i uncovered things about me that i had forgotten... i started to write again and do everything i was good at, things i forgot i knew how to do. he showed me just how simple things actually are. and during my time with him i found my way back to God. he was my savior... yet i do not know why i just couldn't go through with it. now.i start to think, what if i stayed? we would be getting married months from now. what if i did things differently?what did he go through?what have i done?... and the worst: WHAT IF HE WAS MY DIRECT SOUL MATE? there are times, a lot of times actually, when i just want to go back. fix things. there are times when i want to continue with the wedding and believe that he is actually the one. there are times until now when i cry, thinking this is just my karma for letting him go. but those times are temporary, because i always keep in mind that he is happy now. and when i remember that, i am happy too. he was my soul mate, i learned so much, had the time of my life, but most importantly: I GOT ACQUAINTED with myself once again... he brought out the best of me to fulfill God's plan for me...

the lesson:

and now that i understand myself, even though i am all alone, i feel grounded and complete...the role of love in our search for meaning.=)

Passion

Endless Horizons



this is the title of my novel which will be done soon.
it is the world through my eyes
..my talent..
(aside from what is shown in my other blog "sugarcoats and heartbeats: passion")

talent
every person has a talent, every person does things differently from others. our talents signify who we are, what is important to us, and define us to a certain extent.
we have our talents for a reason, and we are passionate about these talents for a purpose.
when we do what we love we feel at peace. we tend to forget about the million roadblocks that we face every day.
when i write, the words are formed in my mind and evaluated by the heart...
right before it flows from my fingertips and written for the world to read.

by knowing our passion, we get closer to knowing why we are here.
we are enlightened and God's plan for us slowly unravels.

While writing my first novel, i discovered a part of me which i never thought i had.
i learned so much from myself and about myself.
the novel has become an identifier for who i am.
I spent hours day after day in coffee shops around the city(OMG is my favorite), near the beach (usually on our terrace overlooking the ocean or in san juan the surfing capital), and in the middle of fields ... i dated myself, and now that i am working on it again (determined to finish it before graduation) i realize that i have never been happier.those times alone, gave me inspiration

i used to think that inspiration was found in a partner, however now i understand that inspiration begins within the self and tied to God's creation. God gave us our passion to be inspired

NOTE: i have been working on the novel for almost a year. i did experience a writer's blank (around 3 months), however i am working on it more than ever now.