On Closure

Hurt is a natural phenomena... it cannot be avoided. We will get hurt countless times in this lifetime. we will get hurt by people we do not know to people very close to us, from words said to us directly to words said about us indirectly. When people have a chance to hurt you in order to save themselves, they will take that chance.

I was hurt. I am hurting. But i am doing something about it...

Pain cannot be bottled up inside of us forever. we cannot hide our feelings, it will come out and will be shown in the things we do and the words we say. Our behavior signifies not only our current state however also the impact of the past to us. when we bottle up our feelings we displace it into other portions of our life... and sometimes this phenomena hinders us from becoming the best we can be. We are stripped from chances to grow, deprived of moving on.

When we are hurt we want to defend ourselves. but how can we defend ourselves when the pain brought upon us is just too much that we cannot even force a tear out? when we are stuck in the shock phase? how can we defend ourselves when people have made us so defenseless?
We want to explain ourselves, let people know our side, prove our innocence in attempt to turn back time to a place in our lives where things were better.
We need to feel better again.

Today, I wrote 15 letters. a way of closure. to help me tell people how they have affected me... how much i appreciate them... how much they have hurt me. CLOSURE. and now, with knowing that they will soon be aware of how i feel, i am free of these emotions and i am given a chance to move on.

Recently, i was hurt so bad... i am still struggling to get off of the ground. I was stripped from everything i knew and everything i was accustomed to and forced to start over all over again... alone. I was thrown into madness, confusion, depression, and loneliness and left there to fight alone. I was ignorant and i was trampled all over. I did not know how to react to what was happening. I wanted to defend myself but i was left with no shield. everything i knew was gone in the blink of an eye. everything happened so quickly. before i knew it i had no love and no back up plan. i was not ready to lose love so quickly and i wasn't even given a warning. i was left in shock. i couldn't accept the fact that i was left alone. so hurt that i could not even cry.

What did i do?
I wrote. i wrote some of the longest letters i have ever wrote. I wrote about anger, betrayal, denial, regret, and ignorance. I defended myself passionately in those letters... however, sometimes closure must come from you. In situations like this it is important to stay away... no matter how much you want the person who hurt you to know what his impact is on you, it is not proper. what is important is that you let these bottled up feelings out...
so i kept the letters. Unsent, unread.
a few days later i started crying... and this made me very happy because i know that i am no longer in the shock phase, yet i am getting over it now. and i know that given some time, the tears will stop falling and i will finally be free to move on.

Forgiveness... when we experience closure, forgiveness comes hand in hand with it.

Forgive but do not forget...
every trial and ounce of pain is a great lesson.
remember every tear and transform it into courage, strength, and wisdom.